The Prayer of the Prodigal Son

-eric santillan-
--may 9, 2006--

they all thought you were at home
just waiting.
but i got your message the other day-
the one that says you will be here for me-
and realized you knew where i was
and what i was doing.

you watched from a distance
as i wasted my life away.
you gave me time
and space
knowing perhaps that i had to be far from you
to know how precious you really are to me.

(if you had watched more closely
you would have seen our picture
at my bedside table.
i look at it every night
...and remember.)

please
wait
for me.
and this may take a long time
but i am here too
still
on life's byways and highways
looking for home
looking for you
looking for me.

And the Greatest of These is...

-eric santillan-

fucked up in muck
stuck deep into
luckless
quagmires.
blackhole of the past
pulling in a
tug-of-war of desires.

about to drown in neck-deep
mud.

the more i struggle, the more
i seem to sink.
hope is the first to give way
as i stopped shouting for help
because no one is there to listen to pitiful cries
anyway.

faith unraveled as a single strand
unravels cloth gradually.

love is the last to go
like a flickering candle in the dark.

strangely, just when the candle was blown by the wind
that's when i felt your hand pull me out.

Gagamba

eric santillan
-8 day retreat. Mirador JesuitVilla.-

Nagkanda-hulog-hulog ka pa
Sa pagpanday ng bahay mong
Liliparin lamang ng hangin at
Lulunurin ng ulan.

Ewan ko ba kung nakikita mo ang
Papalapit na agos
O ang unos na sisira
Ng iyong mga pangarap.

Tuloy, iindap-indap at sasayaw-sayaw
Ka sa gitna ng iyong buhol-buhol
Na gawa-gawang
Bahay-bahayan.

Papalapit na ang ulan.
Siguradong magsisimula ka ulit.

Ngunit nakakapagtaka.
Tuloy ka pa rin.